He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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