Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
