And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
