You don't have asthma, your pregnant
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
