his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
