I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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