1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
