There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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