everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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