is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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