I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
