im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
