the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
