The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
