he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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