Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
