This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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