Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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