All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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