I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize