Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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