ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
