fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
