I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
