i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
