my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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