New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
