My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
