He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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