I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
