How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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