I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I will pee on everything he values.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
