i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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