New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
