i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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