thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
