my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
