The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
PANTIES FOUND
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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