I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
