He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
