I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
