if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just googled if crying burns calories
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
