trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just sucked dick on a ferry
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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