yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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