We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
