PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Randomize
