he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
