we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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