I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize