I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
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