I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
