If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
how does that bad decision feel?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
