i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
