yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
