If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Come see our sink grown plant.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
