my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
