So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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