Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
