she woke up with a sticky ear
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
