Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
