I wish I only lived at night.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
