shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize