he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
