im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
