So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
