i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
