Don't you send me to vm
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
